I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
