Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
