can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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