I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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