Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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