If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
