Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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