Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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