When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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