Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
