MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
