Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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