Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
