Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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