Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize