Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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