Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
