The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
