I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
