So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize