So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
