Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize