watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
