if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we're so committed to being not committed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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