hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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