I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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