Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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