Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
