god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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