how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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