I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
