so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize