Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize