if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize