meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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