I wish my penis had an off switch
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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