The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
