Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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