Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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