We won't sleep together?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
