I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
