ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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