I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
