On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
