Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
