How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
