I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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