I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
