Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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