just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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