with your own penis?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
