i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
wow bdsm is so cute
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
