thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just found a bag of teeth...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
