So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize