First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We had sex on a dog bed..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
