A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
