so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
