Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
