Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
