Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Are we still banned from the library?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The uberlube is also flammable
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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