Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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