I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
