just tell him i said nine months
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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