i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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