He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
