I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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