Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
