What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
