would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
