i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
