I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
