so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
