pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
